The Changing Face of Relationships

Previously, being in a relationship was thought to be a desirable situation. That was when our mothers were girls and our dads’ cattle herders. Every girl and boy desired to get married or to marry someday. They would actually look forward to it. Oh! The joy they saw in being marriage.

They had faith in the institutions and they would withstand any challenge that came along for example, abuse, poverty, diseases, miscarriages, stigma, among other ills. Forgiveness and perseverance was the order of the day. This they did with the focus on raising their children. And to that they were successful.

Fast forward to today and you immediately lose faith in the institution. Chaos characterizes marriage. Competition among the spouses is what is keeping the partners busy. Everyone wants to outdo the other to appear better. Unfaithfulness among partners is rising. The killer disease HIV/AIDS is plaguing couples as acid does to metal.

Myriad questions have crossed my mind. Is marriage desirable anymore? Should we yearn for the problems experienced in marriage when we can comfortably stay single and enjoy the pleasures of independence? Should we even think about it? Is it not logical to stay single to reduce the statistics of broken marriages?

May The Road Rise

Now it,s time to say Goodbye,
to go on out fron here,
to live the visions and trhe dreams
 to scatter hate and fear.
so may the peace be with you now,
a peace that's filled with grace.
May it surround all your struggles
 and everything you face.
And may you find your own way
 to sing out love's own song
with courage, tears and laughter,
and then to pass it on.
Yes, the time has come to say goodbye...
May peace be with you now.

May the road rise to greet you. May the wind be
 always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your
 face. May the rain fall, softly on your fields.
Until we meet again may God hold you in the palm of his hand.

We have Nothing

Poem by Ch’oe Nam-son

We have nothing

Neither sword nor pistol,

But we do not fear.

Even with an iron rod

They cannot prevail.

We shoulder righteousness

And walk the path without fear.

We have nothing to call our own.

Neither dagger nor [gun] powder

But we do not fear.

Even with the power of the crown

They cannot prevail.

Righteousness is the spade.

With which we maintain the path.

We have nothing to hold in our hands,

Neither stone nor club,

But we do not fear,

Even with the all the wealth of the world,

They cannot prevail.

Righteousness is the sword

With which we watch over the path.

Dealing with guilt

Previously, I have talked about the cause of guilt and argued that it is not necessarily a bad thing. I did say that having guilt is a sign that your self-conscience is working fine. A friend suggested that I write about how to remove guilt: how to make it go away. The guy is a writing guru and my writing mentor and therefore, I can’t just ignore his request.

I would think that the treatment of guilt is the obvious one of treating cause rather than the symptoms. I would view that the strategy is that of doing the right thing. And right acts are done for they in themselves ought to be done. On that note what are the symptoms? Some include, stress, lack of concentration, withdrawal from others, deafening silence which is a rather strange from an otherwise known noisy person, among others.

If guilt is slowly drowning you follow these simple steps: They might help.

§  Make a decision to stop the guilt.

§  Determine the cause (most of the time one knows it).

§  Come up with strategies to make peace with yourself.

Ø  Seek forgiveness from your victim.

Ø  Correct the mistakes by doing the right things in case where the victim is the same person as the culprit. (such as the guilt of wasting time)

§  Execute the strategies.

§  Avoid making the same mistakes.

§  Follow-up on your progress (Self review)

The above simple procedure will at least help you get back on track but this is not sustainable. Method of resolving vary from one person to another. I would suggest dealing with guilt should be done immediately after you make a mistake. At that point you will be able to move on without wasting too much time. All the best and may peace prevail always.

The Power of Conscience

There is nothing far much disturbing than guilt. Be it from something you did which you should have done or something that cause pain to a another being. Recently, I have been a slave to guilt. Always asking myself why I never acted differently. Almost everybody has had such a feeling. Actually, its everyone who is human. Why am I so sure everyone has had such an encounter?

Guilt has its source much like a cause-effect relationship. As we are socialized to become social beings, the society, gives us those values that are necessary for our survival. Values such as those required for peaceful co-existence with one another: Association values.

Families as the first socializing agent make sure that we have those skills. These values are stored in the subconscious mind. We use them on a daily basis without knowing. Through punishment and reward our parents ensured that we have the best driver to steer ourselves and survive through this universe.

I view conscience to be the source of guilt. The relationship may appear blurred but from having effective conscience we are able to evaluate ourselves and act accordingly. For instance, we are able to ask for forgiveness to the victims of our undoing, we are able to adjust our behavior so as to fit. I think without effective conscience friendships would be disintegrating as soon they are formed from the reality of conflict in human relationships.

Some Christians view self conscience as the Holy Spirit or the God in a person. Call it whatever you like I think it a necessary thing for the humans and one would benefit more if it is working properly. So it is in anyone’s interest that they have an efficient one. Make your self-conscience good by cultivating good values.

Intimacy

There is this saying in my mother language that says “Ngoma inanaga ni githinjirwo”. The translated meaning is that you entertain evil by submitting to it. One may wonder what the saying really means. I have spared some time to look deeper into what Gikuyu had in mind when coining that saying. Its kind of a warning that remember not to entertain evil. Always condemn it.

We are reminded that every single passing day we are approaching our death. In the same way, whenever we indulge in crooked behavior we are entertaining evil. Every single act that is inconsistent to the Christ’s teachings takes us closer to the ‘other side.’ Slowly by slowly our intimacy with God is eroded. It’s very unfortunate that we do not realize this. It is that single act that drives you away like abandoning a helpless person, that simple abuse, that bribe that you give or take. There is no smaller sin. It’s a sin!

 People always know what is evil and what is not at least to the Christians. They are aware of what way they are supposed to behave and what ways are of the wicked. Take for example fornication which almost every Christians knows it is forbidden in the bible. People engage in it even when knowing of its restriction. Christians nowadays, sorry to say, apply bible teachings selectively. It’s like Christians are taking Holidays where they engage in acts otherwise contravenes the principles of the bible. Picking some verses which they know they can never like killing and ignoring others which seems to them unrealistic. But the bible should be followed to the letter. A true believer remembers that every verse was written by people inspired by Holy Spirit. And therefore every verse is importance and had its reason for its inclusion in the Holy book.

As Christians we are called to be an example to others living Christ in our daily acts remembering that we shall be called upon to account for our actions. Let’s all keep Christ fire burning. Lets us not allow ourselves to be swallowed by the pleasures of the world. Let us not suspend our morals in whatever situation we are. Are we not supposed to be ‘clean’ all the time since we do not know when Christ will return? Therefore, let take responsibility of our lives and walk the paths of the righteous bearing in mind that the evil one is always on toes waiting for our failure.